The Talk About Consent Nobody Is Having With Indian Teen Girls

Priya Khaitan
Jul 30
4 min read

Updated: Aug 3

TL;DR: Consent education for girls in India is rare, often warning-based rather than empowerment-based, and almost never covers the full picture — what consent actually looks like in real situations, how to give and withdraw it, and crucially, how to recognise when it is being violated or coerced. Here is the conversation every Indian girl deserves to have.

The Conversation That Is Not Happening

In most Indian schools and homes, the conversation about consent — when it happens at all — goes something like this: be careful, do not trust strangers, do not be alone with men you do not know, dress in a way that does not attract attention. This is warning-based education. It places the responsibility for safety on the girl and frames the world as a series of threats to be navigated.

What it does not do is teach girls what consent actually is. How to assert it. How to recognise when it is being disrespected. What to do when something feels wrong. How to have these conversations with people they trust rather than strangers — because most violations of consent happen within existing relationships, not from strangers.

This gap is not just an educational oversight. It has real consequences for real girls in real situations every day.

What Consent Actually Is

Consent is a voluntary, informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing agreement to a specific thing. Each of those words matters.

Voluntary means given freely, without pressure, coercion, manipulation, or fear of negative consequences. If you say yes because you are afraid of what happens if you say no — that is not consent. If you say yes because you have been pressured repeatedly until you gave in — that is not consent. If you say yes because you are intoxicated or otherwise unable to make a clear decision — that is not consent.

Informed means you know what you are agreeing to. You cannot consent to something you do not fully understand. Consent obtained through deception is not consent.

Enthusiastic means a genuine yes — not a reluctant one, not a yes designed to avoid conflict, not a yes born from exhaustion rather than desire. The standard is not the absence of a no. It is the presence of a genuine yes.

Ongoing means consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason, and withdrawal must be respected immediately. Giving consent once does not give consent forever. Consenting to one thing does not consent to everything. A previous relationship does not imply current consent.

What Consent Is Not

Consent is not silence. The absence of a no is not a yes. If someone does not object, that is not the same as agreement. Active consent — a clear yes — is the standard.

Consent is not compliance under pressure. If someone asks repeatedly until you agree, that agreement was extracted rather than given. Persistence in the face of reluctance is coercion, not flirtation.

Consent is not something owed by virtue of relationship. Being in a friendship, a romantic relationship, or a marriage does not entitle anyone to your consent for any specific thing. Consent is always situational and always current.

Consent is not implied by what you are wearing, where you are, or what you have done previously. These factors have no bearing on whether consent was given for a specific act in a specific moment.

How to Use This Understanding in Real Situations

Know that you have the right to say no — to anyone, for any reason, at any time, without explanation. Your no does not require justification. It does not need to be softened into a maybe. It does not owe an apology.

Know that discomfort is a signal worth listening to. If something feels wrong — even if you cannot precisely name why, even if the person is someone you know and trust, even if they tell you it is fine — your discomfort is real and it matters. You do not have to override it to be polite.

Know that you can change your mind. Whatever you have agreed to in the past, you can withdraw agreement now. The words I do not want to continue, I want to stop, or simply no are sufficient. A partner or friend who does not respect withdrawal of consent is telling you something important about them.

If Something Has Happened to You

If you have experienced something that violated your consent — recently or in the past — please know that it was not your fault. The responsibility for a violation of consent belongs entirely to the person who violated it. Reaching out for support is not weakness. It is one of the bravest things you can do.

iCall at 9152987821 offers free, confidential support. The Majlis helpline for women facing gender-based violence in Maharashtra is 022-23820980. You do not have to handle this alone.

You can also talk to a trusted adult — a teacher, a school counsellor, a family member, or a mentor. The Daughters of India mentorship network includes women who can listen and help you find the right support for your specific situation.

— Daughters of India

Keep Learning

Join our newsletter for new content as it's published.

Next Step

See our Whispers Within collection for more personal essays.