When Marks Matter Too Much: A Parent’s Reflection on Teen Mental Health

Being a teenager in India today isn’t easy — especially for our daughters. Between exam pressure, social media comparisons, body image struggles, and questions of identity, many girls silently carry a storm within.

As a mother, I’ve often asked myself: Am I guiding her, or am I only adding to her weight?

That’s how this series was born. Letters From a Mother’s Heart is a collection of reflections, lessons, and honest conversations — written as if from a mother to her daughter. Each post tackles a real challenge Indian teen girls face today: exam stress, anxiety, body confidence, online safety, identity, and more.

This is not just my story — it is every mother’s whisper of love, every daughter’s unspoken question.

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Last week, I walked into my daughter’s room and found her sitting at her study table, books open but tears rolling down her cheeks. She had just finished another round of online mock tests for her board exams. Her words broke me: “No matter how much I study, it’s never enough.”

As parents in India, we’ve all been there — urging our children to aim higher, to push harder, to secure a better future. But somewhere along the way, are we forgetting that our daughters are human beings, not just grades on a report card?

The Invisible Weight Teen Girls Carry

Our teen daughters today are living in a whirlwind of pressure:

• Exams and academics: Entrance tests, board exams, scholarships — the list is endless. The narrative is simple: only the top scorers make it.

• Expectations at home: As parents, we often unknowingly add weight by comparing them to cousins, neighbours, or even our younger selves.

• Social media comparisons: Every scroll shows a “perfect” student, achiever, or influencer — fueling feelings of “I’m not enough.”

• Lack of downtime: Tuition, extracurriculars, projects — where is the time to just breathe?

Many of our daughters quietly Google late at night: “How to deal with exam stress,” “Why do I feel anxious,” “Why can’t I sleep before exams?” These searches are silent cries for help.

What We, As Parents, Must Realise

We grew up in a world where marks meant survival. But today, the world is shifting — careers are diverse, opportunities are global, and soft skills matter as much as technical ones. Yet, our parenting hasn’t fully shifted.

We still equate success with marks. But when we put achievement above wellbeing, we risk raising daughters who excel on paper but crumble inside. Anxiety, depression, burnout — these are no longer foreign words. They are lived realities for many Indian teens.

A Different Kind of Report Card

Maybe it’s time we create a new kind of report card at home. One that doesn’t just measure percentages but asks:

• Did my daughter laugh today?

• Did she feel confident about herself, even outside academics?

• Did she sleep well?

• Did she feel safe enough to share her fears with me?

Because when she looks back years later, she won’t remember the rank she got in Class 10. She will remember whether her parents stood beside her or just above her.

How We Can Help

Here are some shifts I’ve started making — slowly, imperfectly:

1. Listen first, lecture less. When my daughter says she’s tired, I pause before replying “But exams are near.” Instead, I ask, “What would help you feel better right now?”

2. Celebrate effort, not just results. A “well tried” is as valuable as a “well done.”

3. Normalise mental health. Therapy, journaling, mindfulness — these are not signs of weakness but tools of strength.

4. Balance ambition with compassion. Yes, encourage her to aim high — but not at the cost of her smile.

5. Model calmness. Our children watch us. If we panic about their future, they will too.

Closing Thought

As Indian parents, our love often disguises itself as pressure. But love shouldn’t suffocate — it should give wings. Our daughters don’t need us to make them perfect. They need us to make them feel enough.

Maybe the real exam isn’t theirs, but ours: Can we raise daughters who are not only successful but also happy, resilient, and at peace with themselves?

👉 Next blog in this series will explore Body Image and Self-Worth — another silent struggle shaping our daughters’ lives.