💌 Dear Daughter, I Remember What It Was Like to Be You
- Priya Khaitan
- Nov 19
- 4 min read
My love,
I see you—really see you.
The way you carry the weight of your world behind those brave eyes.
The way you try to be strong, even when everything inside you feels loud and confusing.
And I need you to hear this:
I remember what it was like to be you.
Not vaguely. Not poetically.
I remember it in my bones.
I remember what it felt like to stand in front of a mirror and not know who I was becoming.
Some days I felt beautiful; some days I felt invisible.
Sometimes I compared myself to every other girl in class—her hair, her marks, her confidence, even her laugh.
I didn’t have Instagram telling me who I should be, but I had society, relatives, and a thousand whispered expectations doing the same job.
I remember the pressure to be “good,” “smart,” “disciplined,” “nice,” “obedient.”
And the terrible fear of disappointing everyone at once.
I remember the friendships—the ones that lifted me and the ones that broke me.
The sleepovers that felt like safety.
The group politics that felt like war.
The silent treatments.
The uninvited gatherings.
The unexplained distance.
The hollow feeling of losing a friend I loved like a sister.
And yes… I remember the nights I cried quietly into my pillow, too ashamed to say I was hurting.
I didn’t handle everything well.
I judged too quickly.
I apologized too much.
I trusted the wrong people.
I stayed where I should have walked away.
I walked away where I should have stayed.
I tried to pretend I didn’t care—
but I did. I cared so deeply it scared me.
So when I see you living your own version of this journey,
it breaks something inside me—
and also fills me with awe.
Because you are stronger than I ever was.
🌼 You’re in a sacred in-between.
Not a child.
Not yet an adult.
But someone becoming—
stretching, expanding, unfolding.
It’s messy.
It’s emotional.
It’s overwhelming.
This is normal.
This is human.
This is girlhood.
🌺 And being a girl in India? That comes with its own storms.
People judge your clothes.
Teachers judge your marks.
Relatives judge your weight.
Society judges your choices.
Everyone has opinions about the girl you are supposed to be.
You’re expected to:
be confident (but not too loud)
be smart (but not intimidating)
be friendly (but cautious)
be ambitious (but not selfish)
be independent (but still “traditional”)
Baby, none of this is your fault.
You’re not failing at anything.
You’re simply growing in a world that tries to pull you in every direction.
💛 Here’s the truth I learned far too late: you are allowed to take up space.
You don’t have to shrink.
You don’t have to apologise.
You don’t have to fit someone’s idea of a “good girl.”
Your voice has value.
Your feelings have value.
Your dreams have value.
You don’t exist to please the world.
You exist to build your own.
✨ Let me teach you a few things I wish someone had taught me.
1. Not every friend is a forever friend—and that’s okay.
People grow. Values shift.
Some friendships end quietly, some end painfully.
But every friendship shapes you.
Choose the girls who make you feel safe, not small.
Choose the girls who clap for you, not compete with you.
Choose the girls who don’t need you to shrink so they can shine.
2. Protect your heart without hardening it.
Set boundaries.
Say no without guilt.
Don’t stay where you’re disrespected.
Walk away from gossip, jealousy, cruelty.
But don’t close yourself to love, gentleness, or new connections.
Both strength and softness can live in you at the same time.
3. When your feelings are too big, pause.
Sit.
Breathe.
Name what you feel.
You are not “dramatic.”
You are not “too sensitive.”
You are human, and emotions are information—not weaknesses.
4. Come to me, even when you’re scared to.
I won’t judge you.
I won’t shame you.
I won’t say “I told you so.”
I won’t compare you to anyone.
My job is not to control your life.
It’s to stand quietly beside you as you learn how to live it.
5. You come from a lineage of strong women.
Your nani survived struggles I only learned about as an adult.
Your dadi built a life with knowledge, faith, and sheer willpower.
The women before you walked through fire so you could walk through doors.
You carry their courage in your blood.
🌙 And daughter, I believe in the woman you are becoming.
A woman who questions.
A woman who feels intensely.
A woman who stands tall.
A woman who dreams fiercely.
A woman who leads gently.
And most importantly—
a woman who lifts other women as she rises.
Because real girls support each other.
Because sisterhood is strength.
Because your story is part of a much bigger story of Indian girlhood.
💛 I love you. I see you. I remember you.
And I’m right here—every step of the way.
Mama
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