Why Teen Girls Struggle With Friendships: A Mother’s Letter
- Priya Khaitan
- Nov 16
- 3 min read
Dear Daughter,
I see it in your eyes before you even say a word—the heaviness, the confusion, the ache that comes when friends begin to drift away.
And it breaks me a little inside, because I know that pain.
I lived it too.
And now I’m watching you live it.
I wish I could shield you from this part of growing up, but I can’t.
What I can do is tell you the truth that no one told me at your age.
Friendships shift because you are growing.
Sometimes you will outgrow people.
Sometimes they will outgrow you.
Sometimes your values will start to form and theirs will blur, and suddenly you won’t fit into each other’s worlds the same way.
This isn’t failure.
This is life moving you gently, even painfully, toward the friendships that are meant for who you are becoming.
And daughter, nothing is wrong with you.
Not your heart.
Not your personality.
Not your choices.
You are not “too much.”
You are not “not enough.”
You are simply changing.
And change is uncomfortable—for you and for them.
Girls your age struggle more than they admit.
No one will say it out loud, but many girls feel:
left out even when surrounded by people
insecure even when smiling
confused about whom to trust
afraid to stand out
scared that losing friends means losing identity
You’re not alone in this experience.
You’re just brave enough to feel it honestly.
You don’t need to become smaller to be included.
In our culture, girls are often taught to:
“adjust”
“be nice”
“not make a fuss”
“fit in”
“don’t stand out too much”
And sometimes friendships reinforce that pressure.
But I want you to hear me clearly:
Never shrink yourself to keep a seat at someone else’s table.
The right people will make space for you without asking you to dim your light.
What matters is your integrity.
If you say no to things that compromise your values—gossip, cruelty, drama, risky behavior—
and that costs you some friendships,
then my daughter…
those weren’t friendships.
They were auditions.
And you don’t need to audition for anyone.
Let me teach you something I learned too late—friendship is a skill you grow into.
Here are things you can start practicing, gently:
• Find girls who make you feel safe, not stressed.
• Speak up when something hurts you.
• Set boundaries without apologizing.
• Give second chances, but not endless ones.
• Walk away when your heart feels small.
These are not weaknesses.
These are strengths.
And my love, please talk to me when it hurts.
You don’t have to manage this on your own.
Friendship heartbreak is real heartbreak, and you deserve support.
If it gets too heavy, we’ll find help together—
a counselor, a mentor, someone you trust.
You don’t have to carry this quietly.
Most of all: You will find your people.
Not all at once.
Not in one class, or one school, or one year of your life.
But slowly, beautifully, inevitably—
you will attract people who love you for who you are
and grow with you into who you’re becoming.
You will find the girls who clap for you, cry with you,
lift you, protect you,
and call you out with love.
Those girls exist.
They may not be in your circle yet,
but they are in your future.
Until then, hold on to this truth:
You are worthy.
You are growing.
You are becoming.
And you are never alone—not as long as I am here.
💛
With all my love,
Mama
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